nice to know

your friends are all having fun without you

rawarawrawr

i may not be loud but that doesnt mean i dont have problems.
you fucking cunt.

happiness is something weird.
i can safely say that i was last night.
my heart was beating so fast i thought i was gonna have a panic attack.
it was scary

PLAY CRACK THE SKY

it was a cold night,
but not the frost bitten kind that i was yearning after.
i fucking miss winter.

i haven't been up there in two years,
time flies.
not necessarily having fun.
it hasnt changed a bit
it was still bright, and... clarity

so i decided a few things tonight.

so i'm thinking, once all this is done, this will be the only thing i'll update. everything else is boring and repetitive,
and i don't need to be scared.
cause no one i know reads this
and for that i can be thankful
cause no one really knows me here
maybe because i am a masquerade

and i might do two years of higher art
and two of music, if its an option
i don't want my life to be stressed

im gonna change style musically as well
acoustic please


i yearn for the days of winter
and seclusion
so tired of everything.

good guys finish last.
i want to read, write, take pictures, sing my little heart out, and love
i want it to change
i wish i could travel by train more
the certain romanticism of traveling on a train
maybe i will move to glasgow
like i always wish i could
then up to the highlands
then to canada
then montauk
maybe i will meet someone
and bring back the cold, white, hazy days spent indoors in a comfortable bed
with nothing but you
just a smile across the pillows of security.
and just be happy
i feel i need less to be happy

i want it to happen
i dont care what my job is so long as it puts food on the table
i'd be happy with a one room flat, with white walls, wooden floors, and a matress in the middle of the room.
i'd love it even.

sea-shanty safe.

Life In Technicolor

so last night was fucking shit.

in fact, i've been taken down a whole load more pegs for doing fuck all. being made to feel like shit when my greatest crime was to like someone, is that fair?


lets imagine
you're walking to a bus stop with a girl/boy you like,
its late at night, he/she's had a little bit to drink but they've sobered up by now.
so you're waiting for their bus with them, just because you've been friends for ages and you're a nice person.
they kiss you.
you become elated.
then about 5 minutes later they start fumbling about like they're drunk again, even though you know they're not.
they say "i'm sorry by the way"
"for what?" you ask
"for kissing you..."
there's an awkward silence.
"why? you think you're leading me on or something?" you ask
they mumble a "yes", still pretending to be drunk.
their bus arrives and you don't get a hug goodbye that you always do.

you try to talk to them the next day either by phoning, IM'ing, texting, whatever,
they "busy" all your calls,
block you on IM
don't reply to your texts.
you start to feel that this is some how your fault.

why are we all fucking dicks to each other?

is this fair?

westside, where the bros be at

im just back three days ago

so aye
freeriding every night on a shit bike is still fun
need a bigger frame methinks

mind you, anything is an improvement on a halfords shit bike

shame i have no money.

rain. today and tomorrow.

i fucking miss going for walks in the rain.

well. i guess something a wee bit more personal just to get some shit out there seems appropriate about now.

so

where to start

my name is daniel james herd, named for my father, and his father

and ive been here for 16 years

and people are shit.

i cant really talk about myself well so this may be a bit of a struggle

i had a pretty normal childhood,

nothing traumatic, nothing bad happening

moved house at the end of primary 4 and had to re-adjust

and made new 'friends.'

met jack.

again nothing bad happening

moved to high school

began to develop emotional issues

repressing anger/emotions,

have been my whole life

(no one knows)

went through 2 years of up and down

talked to my doctor

told me i had type 2 bipolar disorder

(4 people know, unless you're reading this, my parents don't know.)

recovering

and here we are.

so i guess to go deeper

my ex who i was talking about meant a-hell-of-a-lot to me.

i loved her.

and we drifted apart

and i helped her overcome her depression, (or at least i like to think so)

i only started to develop bipolar 2 shortly before we broke up

and i dont think that us breaking up contributed to it.

because i knew we were gonna break up

shes happy now, and im happy being her friend :)

but i didnt cry

thats a problem i have

relating to the repression shit.

i've cried 2 times since the age of 7

which is fucking shit.

the last time i was off my face and i was so happy to have outlet all this pent up feelings and i was laughing at the same time.

it was so amazing.

i cant even describe

after we broke up i began to start getting worse and worse episodes, as i didnt have anyone to talk to

i began to isolate myself from everyone

and it was that way

and i began missing a lot of school,

especially towards the end of 2008

anyway, about the end of s4

me and jack began goin out on walks late at night

and i could talk to jack about anything

and i love him in the way that i love my family

simply because hes the man

and my best, if one of my only true friends

and i know we're gonna stay in touch

anyway these walks were great

i began to be able to spill my guts again and i know he'd listen

and i began to recover more

and i feel like im not repressing as much now

though i still am

so this is about 3/4 months later

and im feeling better

having less of and less severe episodes

and im feeling better

i dont know why i got depressed.

and i feel like shit sometimes when i've got nothing wrong with my life and there are people who have been put through so much fucking bull shit by other people, and im depressed for nothing.

so this is another reason why people are shit.

another one is simply put,

humans are miserable

and parents are wanting their kids to grow up the same way as them, and they're in denial about how miserable they are.

i think reuben put it best when talking about human interactions

So one day somebody asks you how you feel,
And instead of telling the truth,
You reel off a list of things you think they want to hear,
Because it's easier that way,
And so they treat you like this completely different person,
Because all they know about you is misinformation,
And you gradually detatch yourself from all your actions

which makes so much sense

as we as humans dont communicate.

which is really sad

which is why the world is such a shit place.

DISREGARD THIS PARAGRAPH. IT IS NO LONGER VALID.

anyway

so at this present moment

i am seeing a girl

and she has a boyfriend

who she really loves but hates

which is girls in a nutshell really.

but i like talking to her

and its another outlet along with jack for all this shit.

but she's really cool

and i like her

and

shes just a nice person

but out of my league

by miles

im not confident when it comes to girls

i dont know why

but im always to late in telling them stuff

which isnt cool

i find it hard to talk to people

i find it hard to look people in the face when i talk to them

i never have anything to talk about

im not an interesting person

i dont have interesting stories at parties

i just like to drink.

i like my solitude.

i like to feel strongly for people.

which i do.

i feel im surrounded by people who are only my friends because im there.

which is school.

and i cant open up to people

and im not a good person

and im not a friend

and im not a role model

and im not who everyone follows

and i like my guitar

and i like my bike

and i like my cold walks in rain

i like feeling cold

i love to sleep in the same bed as a girl

and it shouldnt be taken granted for

anyway

i think that everyone's depressed

and music is good

and to know all the words is to not feel

to be sitting up all night analyzing things is not good

not sleeping is not good

smoking is great

drinking is great

whiskey is always good.

the female form is gorgeous

i want to kill

i want to fly

i want to sleep

some words are great

rather, quite, indeed.

6 weeks of nothing

thats my summer.

my name is daniel james herd.

named for my father and for my grand-father.

current tune-age

azriel - hold on
bruce springsteen - atlantic city
ryan adams - nobody girl
alexisonfire - sons of privilege
machine head - deafening silence
modest mouse - bukowski
reuben - nobody loves you
spacemonkeyz vs. gorillaz - clint eastwood (a fistful of peanuts)
matt monro - from russia with love
dj shadow - six days the remix feat. mos def
neutral milk hotel - oh comely
missy elliott - lose control
bon iver - skinny love
brand new - play crack the sky

fuck it

people are always gonna get hurt

humans are shit

we really are

2

old pictures that i've just edited now

Untitled

Well, what an odd situation.

I'm happy, it's fucking good.

i want to take pictures but i've got nothing to take pictures of.
lame.

without music we would all be mad. fact.

cuddles and bumblebees.

brand new, amazing.

some people are cunts.

and they can go fuck themselves for all i care.

white, haze, sun, bed.

bad crack/lame/bollocks/awesome/shite/fuck you

right so its been a bit of a mixed bag. last couple of days have just been. fuckkk.

so the bad first i guess


1. i forgot my best friends birthday
2. fuck. not even gonna put that here.

1. this is bad because he remembers mine, and at this very moment he's out seeing a movie, with other folk. really fucking great yeah. maybe i didnt deserve an invite. but fuck sake. its not like i intentionally walk around wanting to forget stuff. fuck fuck fuckkkkkkkk.

2. what the fuck was i thinking. i really am a fucking dick... i just thought... fuck sake.


and now good shit.

1. i saw brand new last night
2. the dentist says i have good teeth
3. its a nice day.

1. i used such a gratuitous amount of passion singing along. my throat's dead today. it was beautiful in its own way

2. better

3. i miss the rain

today

i had a great day, probably one of the best i've had in... two years?
everything was good about today





and i also got to meet this wee kitten on my way home :)

brand new

off to see them on wednesday
loved them for so long and now I finally get to see them!

may have pictures which I'll stick up on thursday :)

Music

No words, just pictures.

Stephen Conroy

The epitome of fine portraiture

L.R

Self-Portrait I

Self-Portrait on the Phone

Study In Black